Good or Bad, All Judgements Affect Our Relationship with Our Bodies
For most of us raised in diet culture, our relationship with our bodies has been shaped by evaluation: too big, too small; too soft, too firm; too old, too wrinkly, too saggy; too muscly; too tall, too short – on it goes.
Even when we try to flip the script by replacing “too much” with “beautiful just as it is” we can find ourselves caught in the same loop.
Why? Because all judgements are judgements.
Whether we decide something is bad or good, we’re still standing outside ourselves, measuring, grading, appraising. And that act of evaluation, no matter how kindly intended, creates distance from ourselves. It keeps us in the position of the observer rather than the inhabitant of our own bodies.
The trap of positive judgement
A client shared with me this week that she noticed that even when she had positive thoughts about her body, she didn’t enjoy them as much as one might think.
And the reason for this is that when our sense of peace depends on positive judgements, it becomes conditional. It relies on maintaining a certain appearance, mood, or approval – whether from other people or from the inner critic who whispers, “Am I doing well enough?”
It’s still the same currency of worth, just a different exchange rate.
Learning a different language
When our children were little, my husband and I made a deliberate effort not to evaluate their drawings as good or bad. Instead, we described what we saw:
“You used so many colours here.”
“I can see how carefully you drew those lines.”
We did this to help them feel their own satisfaction, pride, or curiosity, rather than create a dependency on our approval/ disapproval to know how to feel.
I often think about how that same principle applies to our bodies. What if we related to them not through praise or criticism, but through observation and companionship?
Instead of “You look great today,” maybe:
- “You feel warm and alive.”
- “You carried me through a long day.”
- “You’re here.”
That kind of noticing doesn’t rank or judge. It roots us in relationship, not assessment.
From approval to attunement
When we step out of the language of judgement, something softens. We start to notice sensations instead of shapes. Needs instead of standards.
Our bodies stop being report cards and start being companions.
And peace doesn’t come from convincing ourselves we’re beautiful. It comes from remembering that we don’t have to earn our own acceptance, we don’t have to look a certain way, or have certain things, or be any particular way at all.
Peace comes from allowing ourselves to be as we are, from letting go of the performance of being good or bad and coming home to the quiet company of our own body.
Hi, I'm Vania.
I'm passionate about helping you break free from the exhausting cycle of yo-yo dieting, body shame, overeating, bingeing, and emotional eating.
For decades, I was at war with my body and food. It wasn't until I found an approach which didn't involve strict rules, diets and a focus on weight, that my relationship with food and my body transformed into one of ease and peace. There’s a lightness in living when food no longer holds power over your thoughts. If you're seeking that kind of freedom — where food becomes simple and life feels full — I’d love to walk that journey with you.
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