These are extracts from journals I’ve kept over the years, put into themes that I hope give you some sense of my journey and process.

I’m learning that when I don’t meet some of my needs, I’m likely to overeat. My need for rest is a particularly important one at the moment. Over the last week I’ve been paying special attention to my needs, and rest is one that keeps cropping up. When I’ve felt the urge for something I don’t need to eat, and when I’m not hungry, I’ve been asking myself ‘how do I hope to feel, after the chocolate?’ This question helps to uncover the need I’m not paying attention to. Often the answer is ‘restored, rejuvenated,’ and sometimes also ‘inspired, light.’ These point to my need for rest, and also for play (and it’s hard to play when you’re tired). Then I’ve sat with the feeling for a while, and really tuned in to my tiredness. Amazingly, this week, I’ve chosen to meet the need appropriately, and have not overridden it with excess food. I’ve taken 15 minute naps in the day – just completely relaxed – and it has been rejuvenating! Yet the need for more rest is there.

I’ve also been reflecting on the role of my mind in my tiredness. Not only am I physically tired, but I also drive myself with shoulds and have-tos which is also tiring. I should do xyz, I must do this; I have to get that done…. as if doing these things proves my worthiness, justifies the space I take up on this planet.

I’m paying more attention to this and telling the truth about it – actually, there’s nothing I have to, must or should do, to be valuable, worthy or useful. I don’t have to justify my existence.

With love,
Vania

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