My Dad left us this week
I want to update you, because many of you wrote to me after the last post about the cookies and the hospital bed and the fall. So many of you related, not only to the part about the cookies, but to the part about ageing, dying parents, the strange guises of dementia and the messiness of it all. It was especially lovely to hear from past clients. Thank you, all of you, for reaching out.
He died peacefully. I’m grateful for that, and grateful I got to be there for so much of this last stretch with him.
But it’s not over yet. As I said before, my mother has dementia. Two days before he died she was still trying to help him, in her own confused way, still calling him darling and sweetheart. Now she doesn’t remember his name. And then she does. She asks if this is her bedroom. She asks who I am and what will happen to her. She’s aware something has irrevocably changed but she struggles to know what that is. She can’t be left alone, so my siblings and I are taking it in turns. By the time you read this, she will be in a care home. I have no idea how that will go.
So no, the stress isn’t over. There’s grief, yes, also relief, uncertainty, death admin, the millions of things to think about for my mother’s care and finances and the deep and utter exhaustion from holding so much for so long.
And then there’s the food piece, since that’s why you are here. I haven’t reached for anything the way I reached for those cookies last week. I don’t fully know why. Emotions pile up differently each time, and we don’t reach for food at every threshold, only some. Last week happened to be one of them. I think part of it is that I don’t restrict or try to make up for the days I eat more than usual. I don’t give it a second thought (only when I’m thinking about blogs!). There’s nothing to recover from, so there’s nothing pulling me back. The cookies were a discreet event, not the start of a pattern, because I didn’t turn them into one afterwards.
If you often use food as a way to cope and you’re curious about how it might be to move through the ebb and flow of life without always reaching for it – not perfectly or rigidly, but with more awareness and choice – you’re welcome to book a free discovery call with me.
It’s a space to gently explore your relationship with food and to see if working with me is the right fit.
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Hi, I'm Vania.
I'm passionate about helping you break free from the exhausting cycle of yo-yo dieting, body shame, overeating, bingeing, and emotional eating.
For decades, I was at war with my body and food. It wasn't until I found an approach which didn't involve strict rules, diets and a focus on weight, that my relationship with food and my body transformed into one of ease and peace. There’s a lightness in living when food no longer holds power over your thoughts. If you're seeking that kind of freedom — where food becomes simple and life feels full — I’d love to walk that journey with you.
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