Radical Self-Care Has Really Pushed My Buttons This Week
We hear a lot about self-care these days, but the version we get sold is usually very neat and marketable. It looks like quiet meditation spaces, candles, or taking a long bath (and there is nothing wrong with any of those!).
But the actual reality of practising self-care is often incredibly inconvenient and frustrating. Sometimes it does not feel peaceful. It feels like a battle with yourself.
I had to live this this week, and I did not enjoy it one bit.
From the build up to and then the aftermath of my Dad’s recent death, my system was running on empty. I’ve been working really hard on recovering my energy and I’ve had to make some hard choices to that end. Then my body decided to join the conversation. A painful flare-up in my pelvis made simple, everyday tasks a problem.
Sitting!
Driving.
Forget about using a vacuum cleaner or emptying the indoor recycling bin, or even bending over to spit out toothpaste 🤯.
Or cleaning the loo!
I’ve left things that accidentally fell on the floor because picking them up was too high a price to pay.
And watering the garden (in a heatwave)… forget it.
You have no idea how emotionally uncomfortable this has been for me.
The part of my brain that likes to be organised, tidy and achieve wanted to do everything I normally do. It wanted to carry the heavy watering cans, go to the gym, drive my manual car, and say yes to a cousin visiting from South Africa who has made several attempts to see me.
But I had to stop and look at what it would actually cost me to do all of that.
Practising actual self-preservation meant making a lot of choices that felt rigid and aggravating.
The hardest part was saying no to my cousin. She is going back to South Africa soon, but a picnic in London would mean a four-hour round trip of driving or sitting in a train and then more sitting which is the worst possible thing for my body right now. I felt the weight of the guilt, and I hated letting her down again.
But it brought me face-to-face with the hard choices we have to make when our health crashes. When you are used to being active, getting things done, and being generally healthy, it is easy to forget that you too are bound by human limitations. When your physical capacity is that limited, your body and your soul do not care about your to-do list or your wishes. You don’t actually have a choice at all – you have to accept that your body is setting the boundary for you, even when your heart wants to say yes.
Sometimes looking after yourself is messy, uncomfortable work. It means letting things stay disorganised and letting people down because you physically cannot carry it all right now.
It’s not lost on me that this is a temporary situation for me, and that some people need to do this cost/benefit analysis every single day, for the simplest things. I can feel both temporarily annoyed at the adjustment I’m needing to make AND immensely grateful that it is indeed temporary.
If you are currently ignoring a physical ache, bypassing your emotional needs, or forcing yourself through a schedule that feels impossible, maybe you too can sit with the discomfort of putting your needs first.
Hi, I'm Vania.
I'm passionate about helping you break free from the exhausting cycle of yo-yo dieting, body shame, overeating, bingeing, and emotional eating.
For decades, I was at war with my body and food. It wasn't until I found an approach which didn't involve strict rules, diets and a focus on weight, that my relationship with food and my body transformed into one of ease and peace. There’s a lightness in living when food no longer holds power over your thoughts. If you're seeking that kind of freedom — where food becomes simple and life feels full — I’d love to walk that journey with you.
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