When Thoughtful Becomes Overthinking: The Coffee & Walnut Cake Conundrum
Sometimes, in the world of attuned eating, we can be so thoughtful about our choices that we talk ourselves out of the very experiences we long for.
A client once shared a scenario that will feel familiar to many:
She had a craving for coffee and walnut cake.
But instead of simply noticing the craving and acting on it (or not), she entered a mental maze:
- “I don’t really like the shop-bought kind – it’s usually too sweet.”
- “I could make it myself, but it’s a faff.”
- “Besides, I’m not even sure I want it that much.”
Eventually, she decided not to have it. The craving passed. And on the surface, this looked like a mindful, self-connected choice.
But something about it stayed with her. And with me.
???? Overthinking: The Respectable Cousin of Restriction
When we’ve done a lot of work to move away from dieting, the last thing we want is to feel like we’re restricting again. So our inner dialogue gets more sophisticated.
No more “I’m not allowed” – instead we get:
- “Is it really worth it?”
- “I probably wouldn’t enjoy it anyway.”
- “I should wait until I can do it properly.”
These thoughts sound neutral. Thoughtful. Even wise.
But they can become cognitive gatekeeping: subtle ways to avoid risk, vulnerability, or even pleasure.
???? Thought Can’t Tell You What Only Experience Can
The thing is, you can’t think your way into attunement.
You have to live it.
Sometimes the clearest way to know if you want the cake is… to eat a few bites and see.
Maybe it is too sweet. Maybe you stop halfway through.
Or maybe it hits the spot in a way nothing else has for weeks – and you savour every crumb – and maybe even surprise yourself that you enjoyed that shop-bought cake (that time!).
The point isn’t the outcome. It’s the freedom to find out.
???? Permission Isn’t a Thought Exercise
Permission is not:
- Running every craving through a decision matrix.
- Waiting until it’s the perfect food at the perfect moment in the perfect headspace.
- Thinking yourself into or out of desire.
Permission is:
- Letting the craving be there.
- Trusting that your body will guide you through the experience.
- Making peace with the unknown – especially when it involves pleasure.
???? A Gentle Question
So if you find yourself circling the cake (or the pizza, or the croissant, or the crisps) ask yourself gently:
Am I being thoughtful right now?
Or am I just afraid to choose something without a guaranteed outcome?
Because healing your relationship with food isn’t just about what you eat.
It’s about learning through living, moment to moment, not perfect decision-making.
Hi, I'm Vania.
I'm passionate about helping you break free from the exhausting cycle of yo-yo dieting, body shame, overeating, bingeing, and emotional eating.
For decades, I was at war with my body and food. It wasn't until I found an approach which didn't involve strict rules, diets and a focus on weight, that my relationship with food and my body transformed into one of ease and peace. There’s a lightness in living when food no longer holds power over your thoughts. If you're seeking that kind of freedom — where food becomes simple and life feels full — I’d love to walk that journey with you.
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