Who Does Your Body Belong To?

Written by Vania Phitidis
Peaceful Eating Coach
Last updated on 18 August 2025

It sounds like a simple question, doesn’t it?

Of course, my body is mine.

And yet… so often, it doesn’t feel that way.

Because it has been treated – by others, by institutions, by culture – as if it isn’t.

From the moment we enter the world as girls, we are shown, told, and sold ideas about how our bodies should look, move, dress, behave, shrink, age, and perform.

We are taught that our value rests heavily on how our bodies appear – and that we must work, endlessly, to earn belonging, desirability, respect, and safety through physical self-presentation.

This isn’t body care. It’s body control.

Possessed by Ideas That Aren’t Ours

What would it mean to say that many of us have been possessed – not in the supernatural sense, but in the psychological, cultural, emotional one?

That ideas, fears, and expectations have taken up residence in our minds and muscles – dictating how we feed ourselves, how we dress, how we move, how we try not to take up space.

That we are living in bodies shaped by someone else’s blueprint.

These ideas may not speak in loud voices, but they are persistent:

• “You really shouldn’t wear that at your age.”
• “Don’t eat that – you’ll regret it later.”
• “You’re letting yourself go.”
• “You’d feel better if you just lost a bit of weight.”
• “Strong is the new skinny.”
• “You don’t want to look like you’ve given up.”

The words change with the times, but the effect is the same: they keep us small. They keep us busy. They keep us fixated on the body as a problem to solve, a project to manage.

If No One Is Forcing You, Is It Still Oppression?

When there’s no clear villain, it’s easy to doubt ourselves.
No one is holding you down and forcing you to diet.
No one is standing in your mirror, criticising your thighs.

But the absence of a single oppressor doesn’t mean there’s no oppression.

The forces shaping our relationships with our bodies are structural:

1. Patriarchy, which teaches women their worth lies in how they look and how pleasing they are to others.
2. Capitalism, which profits from our insecurities and sells us “solutions.”
3. White supremacy, which sets narrow, Eurocentric beauty and health standards as the ideal.

These systems don’t need to shout. They whisper. And the whispers echo in our families, our friendship circles, our schools, our workplaces, and our own inner voices.

We Internalise the Watcher

The result? We become both the watched and the watcher.
Constantly monitoring: posture, food, belly, tone, weight, skin, lines, angles.

This isn’t self-awareness. It’s surveillance.

We start to make decisions not from a place of connection or desire, but from a place of fear and compliance – because we’ve absorbed the belief that our appearance is always up for judgement.

It’s not our fault. But it is something we can begin to notice – and loosen.

Repossessing the Body

This is slow, deep work.

It takes time to peel away the layers and hear your own voice beneath the noise.

It takes curiosity to ask: If I weren’t trying to meet anyone else’s expectations, what would I want for this body?

Would I move differently? Eat differently? Rest more? Take up space in new ways?

Would I dress with joy rather than shame? Would I let myself be seen?

Repossessing your body – truly reclaiming it as yours – isn’t just about rejecting unrealistic beauty standards (though that’s part of it). It’s about turning towards your own knowing, and beginning to trust it.

Kindness, Not Perfection

You won’t always make the “liberated” choice. Sometimes you’ll put on the makeup, or suck in your stomach, or hesitate to speak out. That’s OK.

We’re not trying to become invincible. We’re trying to become more ourselves.

Each moment of awareness – each tiny act of defiance or self-tending – is a thread in the process of weaving yourself back into ownership.

You belong to you.

Even if the culture forgot that – you don’t have to.